I recently returned from yet another Vegas bachelor party. Clint waved goodbye to his single lifestyle of living the dream in Minneapolis. No more will he be held up in a one bedroom apartment in Chicago, where the microwave sits adjacent to the couch. No more will he wake up at noon on a Saturday and head straight to Williams for a day of college football and keg beer. He will no longer survive off Uncle Ben’s Ready Rice and Champs Nachos. Soon, he will forget how sweet beer tastes in the wee hours of the morning while taking in Gophers – Badgers on the Duece.

We have had a good history of sending those who are leaving the single lifestyle off in honor, and this was no exception. However, it got me thinking. At the tender young age of 28, I have been to Vegas several times in life. While the hours of booze and cigars have likely shaved a few years off my life and the late night gambling sessions have sped up the receding hair line, I have taken a lot from Vegas as well. I’m not talking about a few bucks from the blackjack tables or complementary buffets, but rather lessons for life. You learn little tidbits of advice in Vegas that can be applied to your life as a whole. Without further adieu, I believe that everything I needed to know in life I learned from Vegas:

Wash your hands before you eat. After handling casino chips and money, your hands are a breeding ground for disease second only to the three month old editions of Good Housekeeping they have at the doctor’s office. If you don’t want to spend the rest of your Vegas trip praying to the porcelain gods in your bedroom, wash your hands before you stick them in your eyes, ears, mouth or nose. It only takes a second, and I promise the crab legs will still be at the buffet when you get back. Wash your hands, don’t get sick.

There is no substitute for a good nights rest. The ‘just because you are in a different zip code’ theory doesn’t apply to your body. Your body always needs things like sleep, food and water. And vegetables.

Watch for Traffic. It only takes one angry cabbie who just got a 35 cent tip from four, 21-year-old dudes wearing $150 jeans and flip flops to not see your drunk self stumbling into the crosswalk. Let’s keep our stick on the ice out there.

One is enough for everyone. Or in other words, if one of something is good, it doesn’t mean 10 of that thing is better. This can be best illustrated by the oft abused Vegas drink, the vodka red bull. This is a concoction invented by the drinking industry to mix an overpriced ‘energy’ mixer to cover up the gut wrenching taste of well vodka. While on a 20 hour gambling/clubbing binge, one of these can really give you the extra energy to feel like you stayed at a Holiday Inn last night. Two is maybe doable. But three or more and you are likely to wake up in your bathtub with your heart pounding on your chest with the force of Carlos Zambrano haymaker. One will do nicely.

Set Goals. And stick to them. Everybody needs goals in life. In Vegas, you aren’t going to win $1 million playing $10 hands of blackjack. If you think this you fall into category A (see below). Set an achievable goal, and once you get it, time to move on.

Set limitations. And stick to them. No more than one ATM trip per day. Take out what you can afford to lose, and that’s it. If it’s still early and you are out of money it means one of two things. A)You suck at gambling and you should quit, or B)You have no concept of budgeting or money, quit now. Either way the best plan from here out is to take $20, give your wallet to your buddy and go check out the pool and sip on a Red Stripe. Never compound ignorance with stubbornness.

Always warm up. Sometimes you have to start slow. In baseball, if you don’t warm up you will have a pitching career that resembles Kip Wells or Byung Hyun Kim. In Vegas, don’t blow all your money in the VIP pit before checking out some of the smaller tables and getting some of the casino’s bank roll. If you don’t you could see yourself relegated to the bullpen for the rest of the trip. Just like you heard in the backseat of a ’97 Ford Taurus after prom, ‘Let’s take things slow to start.’

Be nice. Don’t hit people, and leave your guns at home, son. For those of you who missed the Pacman Jones entourage treating Vegas as their own personal shooting range on NBA All-Star weekend, just be advised Vegas is no place to play tough guy. For that matter, playing tough guy all the time won’t get you very far either.

Play fair. If you don’t know what I mean by this, check out the movie Casino. You don’t want to be the one they catch marking cards, or you could end up in a hole in the desert.

Karma is King. Have fun at the tables, tip your waitresses and dealers and be friendly. Even Earl figured out karma. You’d be surprised how much better it will be when you are having fun instead of trying out your new ‘system’ at the tables. In life, what goes around comes around.

There is no such thing as a system. The casinos love the systems. They were built on people with systems. You think you have one? I don’t even have to hear it and I can tell you it will work for about as long as America was in love with Hanson. No one ‘earns’ money gabling. If a stranger tells you this, stay away from him. If it is a friend, do him a favor and take his wallet.

Smile. Good things happen to happy people. Even if you got punked at the tables for three straight days, smile. Have a good time, be happy, and make the best of it. No use crying over spilt milk.

There is no such think as luck. Luck is where preparation meets opportunity. There are no lucky people. People who are perceived to be lucky simply see opportunities and seize them.

There is more to life than money. There’s a lot more to do in Vegas than hit the tables. Check out a show, hit the pool, do some shopping or hit a club. Most importantly, spend time with the people you went with. That is the reason you went in the first place, and when you leave the lost city in the desert, they are probably all you will have left anyway. See more pictures here.