This weekend I had the pleasure of being Big Joe’s best man in the much anticipated Gove – Stanislawski wedding. As is customary, I delivered the Best Man speech. It is below.
Good morning Everybody. Can I get a Hey O?
Now, before I came up here, Clint pulled me aside and said “Be sure to thank everyone for coming.” So let’s go ahead and get that out of the way . . .
I first wanted to thank Anna and Joe for having me here this evening. It’s really a please to be able to tell you a little bit about them.
For those of you who don’t know me. I’m Bryan. I’ve known Joe since 6th grade. Back then, we used to terrorize the rough streets of the Plymouth Wayzata area, riding our bikes to Pizza Hut Lunch Buffet.
Actually, I think Joe still does that.
So what can I say about Joe Stanislawski? Big Joe. Joey Bear.
Starting center for Wayzata West’s Pearl Jamma Jamma’s.
Avid minivan driver
Broken tailbone more times than I can count.
I can say I’m proud of Anna for taking on the task that is dealing with Joe. Because I know that putting up with Joe means, putting up with Joe’s . . . . shall we say . . . . shenanigans.
I mean . . .
There was the time he inexplicably knocked over a full two liter bottle of RC Cola on my parent’s new carpet.
Or the time at the Par 3 golf course, when he insisted on teeing off just a little too close to a parked car . . . and hit it.
Or the time we had to get all the other golfers on the driving range to stop hitting, so we could retrieve his Mom’s new golf club that he had thrown onto the range in his follow thru, so we could retrieve it.
Actually, I may have forgotten to mention . . . All three of those things happened on the exact same day.
There was the time he T-Boned a car riding his bike.
There was the time he ran face first into a closed sliding door window.
Or the time we got chased on our bikes across town because he’d mouthed off to some hooligans, not that they didn’t deserve it.
Our friends? We know what it’s like with Joe as well.
We don’t have to look any further than our trip to Pensacola. My Dad had given us his new frisbee for the trip. We went out, Clint threw it to Ryan, Ryan threw it to Jay, Jay threw it to me, I threw it to Joe . . . and Joe threw it into the Gulf of Mexico.
Joe’s Mom and Dad? They know this better than anyone.
You’ll remember the time he put a hole in your basement wall playing ping pong.
Or the time he lowered the blade on your riding lawn mower and you took a chunk out of your lawn.
Oh . . . . wait, that was actually me. Sorry about that.
The point is – Anna, you have your hands full. And I know that you know this too . . .
Two weeks ago we had Joe’s bachelor party. As we traversed the disc golf course referred to as ‘The Crown Jewel of Des Moines’ I heard the story of when he first told you he loved you.
Joe was visiting friends in Chippewa Falls. As they were walking home, Joe, in typical Joe fashion, in his size fifteens, inexplicably took off running. So the rescue party went out to find Joe. When they found him? There he was, standing in the middle of an intersection; clutching his phone “I don’t know where I am!”
But on the other end was Anna reassuring him that all was well, and this is when Joe told Anna he loved her.
So Anna, I do know Joe does love you. You know how I know?
I know it from the countless trips ne made between Lincoln, Minneapolis, Rochester, Mankato and beyond.
I know this because he updated his status on MySpace.
I know this because he moved in with two cats.
I know this from the way he smiles when he talks about you, and I know this from the way he so intricately planned how he ask you to marry him.
I’ve never known Joe to be much of a romantic, but, growing up in a house with four women apparently developed the softer side of Joe as well.
Before, Joe’s idea of a romantic proposal would likely have involved Eddie Veder and a stick of beef jerky.
But you’ve been able to reach in and pull out a side of Joe that we all hoped was there. I think we can all agree, that the ring hidden in a Geo cache was pretty good . . . especially for Joe.
So. Ladies, gentlemen, and Schaber’s Beard –
To Anna and Joe. May your life together be filled with safe travels, good health, happiness, and much love.